Thanksgiving

I hope you all had a fantastic thanksgiving! It was wonderful for us, we went to my inlaw's for the holiday where I always feel so taken care of. Wine was poured freely, and my sister in law even made me special food to help me avoid the food I'm allergic to, but also not feel like I was eating an entirely different dinner from everyone else. Gluten free stuffing, dairy free mashed potatoes... I was so spoiled.

My kid is going though huge struggles right now, we're trying to find the correct medication adjustment for him. It's tough, and being away from home was hard on him, but he did great. I'm so proud.

Sir gave me a writing assignment late last week that I missed the deadline on, luckily he was u dee standing with everything that was going on and gave me a few days to finish it. I had to write about weather or not I should keep this graphic and why:

I decided that I needed to keep it. It reminds me that my chronic pain condition isn't a little thing, it's a big huge thing. It robs me of so much, time, energy, self-worth. In the same breath it motivates me, makes me realize that if I can handle all of that, I can make it through anything. It reminds me that it's more than just pain, that I shouldn't let others down play it, and that I shouldn't either. It inspires me to live the life I want in spite of the pain and all that goes with it. 

I am not an invalid, far from, but I am also not superwoman. There is a lot I deal with daily, weekly, for years and years. I need to learn to take care of myself before I can take care of others. So that's what I wrote. I haven't gotten any feedback yet, but I'm sure I will soon.

Another flare up of pain started while we were away, so I am medicating and trying to remember self care. Sir did a seminar with other Doms and got some great ideas about how to keep our dynamic strong while I'm flaring, and I'm happy to say that the ideas have been wonderful so far. He has commanded more respect, and kept me in line better than in years. It's like he's no longer afraid to demand the service and respect that he is due. It has made my self esteem soar and made this flare up easier to deal with. 

Anyway, this has been terribly disjointed. I'm so out of practice writing. I'll try to be around more, miss it when I'm not here!

I fell off the face of the earth.

So much and so little has kept me away from blogland. Mostly it's been my health, but there have been some other things. Like the transition from Sir being gainfully employed to him working on "personal projects." Really he has a job, it's just not exactly a paying gig right now. So here we are, living off of savings, and COBRA insurance. With my health problems and my son's therapy appointments (he's high functioning ASD) we are paying out the butt for insurance that keeps us from being bankrupted by medical bills.

Personally, I've been sick for a few weeks. Either flared up in pain, or like right now, fighting of yet another cold/fever. It's getting really fucking old. I don't see my neuroopthomologist until Dec, and at that time if he can't figure out a better way to manage pain, I'm asking for a referral to the neurology group at the hospital. We'll see how it goes.

Another thing that has kept me away from here is a severe lack of kink. Like everything in life it ebbs and flows, and right now it's definitely low tide. Dynamic is in place mostly though, so I feel comfortable. We did manage to have sex a couple of days ago with a ton of orgasm control, and nipples that are still sore. Afterward I was dozing off while we were watching tv, and the sadist kept bumping me awake. Apparently sleep control is a new thing. Not that I'm complaining mind you.

I am also doing the research I need to start another blog where I will be researching and reporting on strains of marijuana, their usage, benefits and drawbacks. I also want to slowly introduce advocacy topics to encourage decriminalization and/or legalization in the rest of the country. It's my pet project and fully expect it will take me several months to get it up and running. I'm passionate about this cause, especially because it is the only thing that helps my pain during a flare up.

So that's what I've been up to. I'm going to try to catch up on everyone's blogs, but it might take me a while. Hugs to all!

Pain

So I've been either sick or in pain since basically June. I have a chronic pain condition that I've talked about before, and I had a few months over the summer that I dealt with kidney stones and the aftermath of those. So I've probably had about 2 weeks worth of really good days since June, all spread out over the months.

There has also been a huge amount of stress and transition in the last few months, and all of this has lead me to slack off here. Mostly not knowing what to wrote, or being able to write about what's going on. Still can't share a whole lot.

I'm in the middle of yet another pain flare up, and will likely be seeing a neurologist in the near future  to see if they can help with symptom control.

So all of this has me thinking. A bit tongue in cheek of course, but as a masochist why can't I find any enjoyment out of this chronic pain? LOL it's not a serious question, but damn it would be nice!

This past week I went to a couple of workshops at our local sex positive center. They classes were out on by Shay and Stefanos (http://www.stefanosandshay.com) and let me tell you, if you ever get a chance to have them teach you, take them up on it! They are not only both extremely hot, but their chemistry, dynamic, love and trust are truly amazing to witness.

I went to their predicament workshop, "It's a Trap!" and it was so much fun. It talks about playful scenes, ways to put some fun and interesting "traps" into your scenes. And then I went to their "Precipice" workshop. All about edge play. How to find your edges, both as a top and a bottom, how to push them, and what that might look like. The demonstrations were hot, intense, and made me look forward to putting that knowledge into practice.

I love that even though stress is high, and health is crappy right now, that Sir and I are finding ways to keep up our intimacy, and dynamic. It's been stronger since the workshops, and I am so thankful for that. His lead has really helped bring me through this time.

Oh! And since I haven't been able to wear my collar since it started affecting my cranial pressure, Sir bought me a new cuff from Wyred Slave. I love it so much!

That part

You know in the last entry, that part about no kink? Well, I spoke too soon. Sir and I talked last night, and I expressed the need for stress release, a beating, or sharps session, just something to take the tension away. I have been so anxious that I didn't think to ask for what I needed to ground me, to make me feel safe and taken care of. Until last night that is.
He ordered me to take a shower since I'd been neglecting my self care. When I came out he had the cane in his hand. I whimpered about how it was going to hurt because I was still wet from the shower, and he just nodded. And our evening started. A great caning where I came twice, followed by incredible sex.
Today? Today I feel like another person. I had friends over to watch football while Sir cleaned out the storage unit (he hates football.) Then there was some family time when I built Legos, my kid built some of his, and Sir played video games. Now I've had a couple of drinks, and I feel great. Calm, and at ease with the uncertainty of the future. I feel like as long as we are who we are, and our family and friends are behind us, that we'll make it through this hard time.
Hopefully this means I'll be around more. But since Sir is working two jobs until the end of the week, and then it will be push time with the new venture, I may or may not be around much. I do know that I'll try though. :)

Not feeling it

As I'm sitting here reading blogs I'm realizing that I'm still not in the right place to be posting right now. Things are in such flux that I can hardly see straight, and I'm anxious all the time. PMS isn't helping matters, and neither is this cold that is finally letting go of me, but has left me weak and fatigued.

No kink to talk about, can't talk about the big changes that are happening right now, bored to death of the 30 days of _____ challenges, so I guess I'm not feeling the blogging thing right now.

I'll try to keep up with everyone and reply when I can.

Miss it here.

xoxo

Weekend

Date night was lovely, though I discovered that I am not a fan of more than a sip or two of pumpkin beer.
I did find a very pleasing sparkling mead that I will have to search out, because I could drink that all day everyday!
Woke up this morning feeling the worst than I have all week, it like my body said "enough! You're going to rest whether you like it or not!" Fever, chills, stuffed up nose, aches. Just plain old sick. Luckily Sir is taking great care of me and our little one. I'm so thankful for him. He also makes a hell of a hot toddy!

Anyway, I have lots of rest to do this weekend. Next week is jam full of appointments and fun. We're going to a party at the local kink club on Friday that I can't wait for! It's our first event there as a couple since we joined last October, so I can not wait! Then I'll be at a convention all weekend long. Before that, I have therapy (with the best kink friendly therapist I have ever known!) and I have an appointment with a GI specialist to figure out what's going on with my tummy. All of this is good, and I can't wait. So I will force myself to listen to Sir and "concentrate on getting better."

Not a lot to say

I'm stuck here in blogger land without much to say. The 30 days of kink have bored me, but I'll get back to them soon. Probably short answer, all in one post when I do them again.

Stress has been high around here. Came home from my weekend away sick.

Thankfully dynamic is in place, wish we could get physical, but I'm getting over this stupid cold I picked up.

Tomorrow is date night so that should be nice. Maybe we'll get just liquored up not to care that I'm sick and we'll have some long over due sexy times.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Off to read every one's blogs.

xoxo