I know a lot of people who have been struggling emotionally lately, there must be something in the air. Public proclamations of mental health struggles, physical and family struggles are all over my social media right now.
Instead of joining the ranks of my friends on FB and twitter I have stayed silent. I have offered my support to friends, but haven’t mentioned my own struggles.
I am also in a dark place right now. But I feel as though I can't share it with FB friends because I feel like I’m jumping on the bandwagon. Like because my recent struggles are very likely situational, that I don’t deserve to whine about it. About how tired I am, how sad I feel, about how getting out of bed is a struggle that I only overcome because of my sense of obligation to my son and family. I don’t mention that being with my friends who I love dearly is hard for me, because I feel as though I need to be positive, and smiling, and entertaining. That I can’t figure out a way to exist with my physical pain, my son’s struggles, my husband’s joy. I can’t put out there that the best way for me to deal with these struggles is to experience physical pain, that the sensation of my skin being scraped and torn by the claw, or the release of control when I feel the cane strike is the only grounding I have right now. I feel no one would understand, or worse yet think that I have no reason to feel this way. That I should get over it.
I can clearly see how lucky I am to have friends, and family who are amazing and who love me. I can clearly see that things could be so much worse. But I am still sad.
Who am I to complain though? Must just be something in the air.
Welcome to Blogland. I hope that the air clears soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the welcome. This isn't my first blog, but it's definitely the most personal one. I appreciate you stopping by, I'm sure the air will clear soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks again.
Beth
Hi there, followed a comment here.. and also wanted to welcome you. I just started fresh here in blog land myself, but not my first time doing it either. :)
ReplyDeleteI have been in a very similar boat feeling wise,not mentioning my own struggles to friends and such. I haven't even told any of them of my Dr. wanting me to try welbutrin along with my pain meds.
I hope things clear for you soon. I hope to see more posts from you. :)
Respectfully,
brat xx
P.S Your name here is so cute.
Thank you brat. I must say that writing this was cathartic, starting writing again was a suggestion from my therapist. (Thank goodness for finding a kink friendly therapist!)
DeleteDo you have a chronic pain condition? We may have another thing in common, I have one. I have become an expert at dealing with things one at a time (even in rapid succession) but this all at once stuff is nonsense! :)
Be well,
I'm finding getting back into writing is helping also. That is so awesome that you have found a kink friendly therapist!
DeleteAnd yes, I am a chronic pain patient. I have had five major spinal surgeries in my life, and am full of hardware, damaged nerves, arthritis, fibro and other junk that has been related to the surgeries,or hardware breaking etc. I just found a new Dr., and that was part of what added to this funk feeling I have been in - being told that my pain levels are just going to continue get worse as I get older. I've never been one to get depressed, despite what was going on in life - but lately, things just seem to have taken it's toll some I suppose.
I do think we will find we have a lot in common. *smile* I'm sorry you have to deal with chronic pain as well. Do you take meds regularly? They have me trying Extended Release Morphine right now, this Dr. wanted to pull me off the old meds due to the amount of Tylenol I was taking in daily with them.
Sheesh, sorry .. I tend to be rambling! lol.
P.S Tried to find a link to follow your blog, and didn't see one - so I have bookmarked you for now. :)
xx
brat
I added a subscribe button, thank you for pointing out my oversight.
DeleteI have a condition called IIH (aka pseudotumor ceribri) it's caused by having too much cerebrospinal fluid and mimics the pain of a brain tumor. I take a diuretic (that has mostly recently caused a bout with kidney stones.) honestly the only thing that works for my pain is marijuana and I'm lucky enough to be able to use it legally. I have a young son at home and need to be able to drive, so narcotics are out. Luckily my pain flare ups seem to have lessened lately. But I never know when I'll be laid up with massive pressure headaches and chronic migraines. I have several other health problems as well, seems like once you have one chronic condition you get lots more.
Guess we'll both have to hang in there.
Hugs!
Beth
That sounds like it's very hard to deal with. :/ I have kids as well, so I so understand. In Colorado, marijuana is legal now, but it doesn't help me much. It intensifies a lot of the back issues, weirdly. I did have a Dr. tell me I could get a med card, but I didn't bother after trying it a few times.
DeleteThat is so true, that one chronic condition seems to lead to more. I am sure both of us could write a novel on them. lol
Hugs back at you - I look forward to getting to know you further. :)
xx
brat
I am sorry to hear about your troubles. We all times when we just need to whine...welcome to the club. I hope you feel this is a place where you can be YOU.....
ReplyDeletehugs abby
Thank you Abby, the warm welcome is very much appreciated. I know that things will improve, especially having a place where I get to be me.
DeleteBeth