Goodbye 2014

I've got to be honest here, 2014 sucked. It sucked huge donkey dicks, and I am almost giddy that in 8 short hours it will be over. I'm not one for making New Years resolutions, but there are some things I'd really like to improve on for the coming year.

• I'd like to be more proactive about my health. Not just keeping better tabs on my chronic illnesses, but also eating healthier and moving my body more. Not to lose weight, or look better, but because I need to start being more kind to my body, it's the only one I have.
• I'd like to declutter my home. There is not a flat surface in my house that isn't covered in stuff. We live in a relatively large home, there is no excuse why two adults and an 8yo have so much shit that our home is busting at the seams.
• I'd like to deepen my submission. To better follow Sir's lead, and to reconnect to our dynamic. The workshop I've been waiting for finally opened registration again, and starts at the end of January. I am so excited to use what I learn there to better serve Sir and to feel more connected to my submission.
• I want to be a better and more proactive advocate and parent to my son. I have spent this past year in reactive mode, and that has to change. I'm watching for a couple of "Wright's Law" workshops to come back to my area so I can learn more about what my son's rights are in the school system and how to best advocate for him without falling back on emotion.

They are lofty goals, and they are vague for a reason. I don't want to add concrete steps in these goals because I feel that any progress I make toward each of them leaves me in a better place than I am today. And isn't that what resolutions are all about?

Oops

Well, I think today I was taught a big lesson in self care. I can not out everything before taking care of myself. I saw my neuro-ophthalmologist today and the appt wasn't so good. I last saw him in September to ask for my mess to be reduced since they had given me kidney stones, so that's what we did. Within a few days I was in pain, but just figured it was my body adjusting to the lower dose, so I just dealt with it. Now, 3 months later, my intracranial pressure is back up, and I've lost a lot more sight in my left eye. All of that coupled with level 6-7 head pain all except maybe 10 days in the last 3 months has made me pretty miserable.
I got scolded by both the doctor and my dear friend who went to the appt with me about waiting so long to tell him that my symptoms are back and bad. I'm expecting Sir will also have some stern words for me. I have learned my lesson, I swear. I can't be the best sub, the best mom, or friend unless I keep myself as healthy as possible. Putting off calling my doc when things are bad is NOT the way to do that.

Workshops

I have been looking for workshops for subbies, and I tell you, they are hard to find! The ones I do see are "let me train your slave for you workshops" and that's so far away from what I'm looking for.
Sir took a workshop a couple weeks ago for Doms, and got some really great take aways for improving our dynamic from a Dom point of view. I would love something similar for subbies. Where I could learn to deepen my submission, to talk about how to continue to grow as a sub even when chronic pain and illness is constantly a factor for me.

I want to make Sir happy, I want to feel like I'm doing my part. Right now I feel like I'm floundering, failing, and lost.

The thing that usually brings me around is a long, hard beating. Sex, meaner and rougher the better. But this year, my pain and other related illness has made those tactics almost impossible half the time. So how do I capture that feeling of service, of being owned when I can't be physical?