Pain

So I've been either sick or in pain since basically June. I have a chronic pain condition that I've talked about before, and I had a few months over the summer that I dealt with kidney stones and the aftermath of those. So I've probably had about 2 weeks worth of really good days since June, all spread out over the months.

There has also been a huge amount of stress and transition in the last few months, and all of this has lead me to slack off here. Mostly not knowing what to wrote, or being able to write about what's going on. Still can't share a whole lot.

I'm in the middle of yet another pain flare up, and will likely be seeing a neurologist in the near future  to see if they can help with symptom control.

So all of this has me thinking. A bit tongue in cheek of course, but as a masochist why can't I find any enjoyment out of this chronic pain? LOL it's not a serious question, but damn it would be nice!

This past week I went to a couple of workshops at our local sex positive center. They classes were out on by Shay and Stefanos (http://www.stefanosandshay.com) and let me tell you, if you ever get a chance to have them teach you, take them up on it! They are not only both extremely hot, but their chemistry, dynamic, love and trust are truly amazing to witness.

I went to their predicament workshop, "It's a Trap!" and it was so much fun. It talks about playful scenes, ways to put some fun and interesting "traps" into your scenes. And then I went to their "Precipice" workshop. All about edge play. How to find your edges, both as a top and a bottom, how to push them, and what that might look like. The demonstrations were hot, intense, and made me look forward to putting that knowledge into practice.

I love that even though stress is high, and health is crappy right now, that Sir and I are finding ways to keep up our intimacy, and dynamic. It's been stronger since the workshops, and I am so thankful for that. His lead has really helped bring me through this time.

Oh! And since I haven't been able to wear my collar since it started affecting my cranial pressure, Sir bought me a new cuff from Wyred Slave. I love it so much!

That part

You know in the last entry, that part about no kink? Well, I spoke too soon. Sir and I talked last night, and I expressed the need for stress release, a beating, or sharps session, just something to take the tension away. I have been so anxious that I didn't think to ask for what I needed to ground me, to make me feel safe and taken care of. Until last night that is.
He ordered me to take a shower since I'd been neglecting my self care. When I came out he had the cane in his hand. I whimpered about how it was going to hurt because I was still wet from the shower, and he just nodded. And our evening started. A great caning where I came twice, followed by incredible sex.
Today? Today I feel like another person. I had friends over to watch football while Sir cleaned out the storage unit (he hates football.) Then there was some family time when I built Legos, my kid built some of his, and Sir played video games. Now I've had a couple of drinks, and I feel great. Calm, and at ease with the uncertainty of the future. I feel like as long as we are who we are, and our family and friends are behind us, that we'll make it through this hard time.
Hopefully this means I'll be around more. But since Sir is working two jobs until the end of the week, and then it will be push time with the new venture, I may or may not be around much. I do know that I'll try though. :)

Not feeling it

As I'm sitting here reading blogs I'm realizing that I'm still not in the right place to be posting right now. Things are in such flux that I can hardly see straight, and I'm anxious all the time. PMS isn't helping matters, and neither is this cold that is finally letting go of me, but has left me weak and fatigued.

No kink to talk about, can't talk about the big changes that are happening right now, bored to death of the 30 days of _____ challenges, so I guess I'm not feeling the blogging thing right now.

I'll try to keep up with everyone and reply when I can.

Miss it here.

xoxo

Weekend

Date night was lovely, though I discovered that I am not a fan of more than a sip or two of pumpkin beer.
I did find a very pleasing sparkling mead that I will have to search out, because I could drink that all day everyday!
Woke up this morning feeling the worst than I have all week, it like my body said "enough! You're going to rest whether you like it or not!" Fever, chills, stuffed up nose, aches. Just plain old sick. Luckily Sir is taking great care of me and our little one. I'm so thankful for him. He also makes a hell of a hot toddy!

Anyway, I have lots of rest to do this weekend. Next week is jam full of appointments and fun. We're going to a party at the local kink club on Friday that I can't wait for! It's our first event there as a couple since we joined last October, so I can not wait! Then I'll be at a convention all weekend long. Before that, I have therapy (with the best kink friendly therapist I have ever known!) and I have an appointment with a GI specialist to figure out what's going on with my tummy. All of this is good, and I can't wait. So I will force myself to listen to Sir and "concentrate on getting better."

Not a lot to say

I'm stuck here in blogger land without much to say. The 30 days of kink have bored me, but I'll get back to them soon. Probably short answer, all in one post when I do them again.

Stress has been high around here. Came home from my weekend away sick.

Thankfully dynamic is in place, wish we could get physical, but I'm getting over this stupid cold I picked up.

Tomorrow is date night so that should be nice. Maybe we'll get just liquored up not to care that I'm sick and we'll have some long over due sexy times.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Off to read every one's blogs.

xoxo

Home again, home again...

Jiggity jig!
I had a good weekend away, though it was very draining. I took two friends with me and I have never traveled with one of them, so that was a new experience. It was interesting and mostly good. But I'm so introverted that 3 people in a hotel room (2 bedroom suite) for almost 4 days was an awful lot for me. We're doing it again in December, so I hope that it's less draining then.

Saturday was the best night. We spent 9 hours in the tattoo shop all three of us getting inked and then it was off to the bar. Our usual space was packed for a special event so we went to an old hangout. It was amazing! There were old white people dancing to an all black blues band in an Irish pub and our waitress was Asian. It was a wonderful example of the diversity of my home town. I felt right at home. Also, every person sitting around the table (9 of us) was kinky and out about it. So freeing!

When I woke this morning I was ready to be at home. We had lunch with my folks and then headed out, making it home in record time.

When I got home I found my poor Sir has a cold. So it's been a quiet evening around here.

Oh, and here's a picture of the new ink...naughty fairies. (Source material is The Bondage Fairies.)

More days of Kink

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Safe, sane, and consensual says it all.

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

In retrospect, the funniest thing that has happened to us during kink was the time we were visiting family for  Christmas and staying in a hotel. I had received a toy that I call, " the pointy shocky thing," for a present and Sir was using it on me. For so,e reason it was too much for me, so what did I do? I locked myself in the bathroom of our room. I was so screwed! I realized I hat to come out sometime, and Sir wasn't happy (obviously.) I came out and took my extra shocks and then was assigned 100 lines of  "I will not hide in the bathroom." 

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

The appeal of kink? What isn't the appeal? For real, for me, I have been a subbie type, and a masochist since I can remember. So the appeal of kink is that I get those needs met. The pain that turns me on, makes me wet... I have a hard time coming without some sort of control over me. Even if there is no pain before we actually have sex, I still have to ask for permission to come. Honestly, it is hard for me to do so without some kink involved. 

If kink isn't involved, if I don't have some sort of control when I'm having sex, the orgasm isn't as good, almost like a yawn you can't finish. Pain and control pushes me over that edge. There is so much more... I love that I have structure and routine built into our dynamic. That I don't have to feel guilty about taking care of myself is so freeing. Being a suffer of chronic pain it helps me to take care of myself, which I am no good at since I'm the "fixer" personality type. I spend so much time taking care of, and managing the care of my special needs son that I forget to take care of me. Sir makes me remember that taking care of me is important.